Devastated

I am willing to let go of everything that I wanted before, everything of my hopeless and thoughtless wants, if you save me God. Save by whatever means . Save me by giving me strength to leave all my addictions and sins behind, or save me by taking my life. My heart hurts, i feel weak, i feel disgusted with myself. I am not ready to leave this world but I dont feel I should be in it either. God, I'm terrible, I've been terrible. I felt disgusted with myself thinking what I've done and what's on my head. I tremble every time I think of this. I am shaken by the fact that I am made by You yet I kept forgetting how important You are. SAVE ME